Annie On Writing

January 4, 2010

Anti Resolutions for 2010

Filed under: Articles From write anything,humour — Annie Evett @ 12:01 am
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This article first appeared over at Write Anything.

A writing game started last year by Dale, continued by Jodi, Paul, myself and a myriad of others, we continue this year with our Anti Resolutions. I hope you join in – either on your own blog ( and leave a link) or leave one in the comments box.

Below are mine:

  • I will not celebrate my next birthday by skydiving out of a perfectly sound plane.
  • I will not bend to social pressure and join a gym or start jogging. With compelling research showing that fatality rates amongst fit people reaching 100% at some stage during their lives; I’m not going to take any chances.
  • I will not bring my red pen to my sons classroom and begin to mark childrens work as they enter the room, nor will I demand to see the teachers term planning to not only ensure culturally sensitive material has been included; but to mark and grade it before handing it back.
  • I will not attempt to explain why religions around the world can’t get it together with their facts and beliefs with respect to comparing them with historical theories with my 4 year old.
  • I will not make pickled cabbage, salt dried shark or keep Norwegian old cheese in my pantry. …. because they are really gross.
  • I will not take safety pins and a collection of belts to the local mall and attempt to assist teenage boys whose pants seem to have fallen down around their hips. Thank goodness their mothers insisted they wear clean underwear as most of the time audiences are treated to a near full showing of them.
  • I will not glare at single childless women who attempt to give me advice on childrearing during a meltdown at the mall. Nor will I feel the urge to shove their Louis Vuitton handbags down their neck as they expound some theory on behaviour management which they read in some crappy magazine, but never actually tried out themselves.
  • I will not cave into my nervous twitch when surrounded by pregnant women expounding the health benefits and time management advantages of elective cesareans. I may have an unspiritual moment; but will excuse my behaviour through hormones.
  • I will not adopt a pony, chickens, a cat, goldfish, a cage of mice and two dogs simply because they need a good home. Despite strong arguments – especially surrounding the placement of the pony in the daughters bedroom; our postage size suburban houseyard can only support a small sized dog; which we will purchase from the pound at some stage.
  • I will not request my google adsense commission cheques be sent weekly and in differing currencies to fool the tax department. With a years payments – drawn solely from my weekly submissions at Type A Mom totalling $9.35; I may keep a hold of it for a little longer before I can afford a cup of coffee.

Perhaps to get you going, you’d like to gather some despair from this site; specialising in demotivation.

On a more serious note -” I will not take on any new tasks in 2010 and will finish all the ones I have started…..:; however the likelihood of me keeping this goal will only extend for as long as I sleep in on the 1st of January…. so we might forget I mentioned that one ….eh??

Demotivator poster from Despair

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2 Comments »

  1. Fricken LOVE this post. I want to adopt most of those anti-resolutions. Especially the safety pin and baggy pants one as I live with a 15-year old who conforms to that mode of dress. I will however, NOT restrain myself from pulling his jeans down around his ankles (instead of giving him a wedgie) when any of his girl-friend wannabes arrive at the front door. (Snicker)

    Like

    Comment by Birgitte Necessary — January 19, 2010 @ 5:07 pm | Reply

  2. grin!! thanks Birgitte… hope you now make some of your own anti resolutions!!

    Like

    Comment by Annie — January 20, 2010 @ 1:35 pm | Reply


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